One night an older girlfriend introduced me to what I now call “The Touch-Tickle Game.” It seemed innocent to me at first and it also seemed exciting. She said another older girl showed her the game. As the game progressed, I began to experience sexual feelings I had never felt before…
It was something I was introduced to… When I was 4 or 5 years old, some teenage girls exposed their private parts to me and some other kids and encouraged us to touch them there. A few years later, when I was a young girl in elementary school, I had an older girlfriend who I stayed the night with frequently. One night she introduced me to what I now call “The Touch-Tickle Game.” It seemed innocent to me at first and it also seemed exciting. My older girlfriend said another older girl showed her the game. As the game progressed, I began to experience sexual feelings I had never felt before.
One night, I innocently introduced the game to a younger girlfriend. We also played the game again when I stayed the night at her house. After a couple of times playing the game, this friend said she didn’t like it and didn’t want us touching each other anymore. Immediately, I realized that what I was doing was not right and I felt ashamed and sick about it. Touching other girls wasn’t something that came naturally to me. It was something I was introduced to.
Both experiences came through older girls—my same-sex. Though I liked boys a lot, this still seemed to be very stimulating. I remember I began thinking and wondering, at that young age, if I was really a lesbian. Back then, I and my friends made fun of the word “lesbian,” but now I was wondering if I was one. I never played the game again—at least not with girls. But, from that time on, I was sexually stimulated by thoughts of boys touching me.
Soon after ending this game with my girlfriends, my older girlfriend introduced me to the Playboy magazine’s her father had hidden in the bathroom closet. I found them fascinating. This led me to a young life filled with pornographic thoughts, movies, books, and pictures. By the time I was in junior high, I was sneaking in to XXX-rated movies with older friends. I was drawn to sexual perversion and, of course, sexually active with my boyfriend who was much older.
Later, after I became a Christian and surrendered my life to Jesus for ministry, I stopped all sexual activity outside of marriage. But what didn’t stop was the shame and guilt I felt because of all the sexual perversion packed in my mind. I hated the pictures still in my mind. This view I had of myself affected my sexual intimacy with my husband. I was timid with him and even hesitant for him to see my naked body—even though I was in great physical shape!
Over the years, as I studied and meditated on God’s Word, I found out more and more about God’s unconditional love and grace for me. I had been introduced to a false view of intimacy as a child, but through God’s Word that I was introduced to a whole new identity!
I began to heal from the effects of my perverted childhood and began to see myself as pure and clean. Reading the Word of God is what renewed my mind to this. I found out that the god of this world uses sexual perversion and preys on children. This helped me see how my innocence was robbed by him, the thief. This was not God’s plan for me as a little girl.
Because of the truth I found in God’s Word, I am now a Christian woman who is healed, and not timid or at all ashamed of the beautiful body God gave me and of the act of marriage intimacy. I have been birthed into my true, pure, lasting, all-things-made-new identity! ~ Sunshine
The story above, and all of the testimonies on this website, represent true events in real lives that have been redeemed. The names have been changed to protect the privacy of their families, associated participants, and loved ones who may desire to retain that privacy.
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